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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25417138">All of the Two Dollar Bills at the Second National Bank</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Aurinko/pseuds/Captain_Aurinko'>Captain_Aurinko</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Holy Penumbra Batman! [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Penumbra Podcast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Batman AU, Diamond is referenced but doesn't appear, I GOT FIC ART YA'LL, It's a genuine series that got LoreTM, Juno Steel is Batman, M/M, Other, Peter is Catwoman (The Cat), Sophie said Nureyev was inspired by catwoman, This isn't a joke fic, and I galaxy brained from there, establishing a relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:40:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,543</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25417138</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Aurinko/pseuds/Captain_Aurinko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Well,” he said. “I don’t know about you, but I had a very interesting afternoon.” <br/>The Bat stepped out of the shadows where he’d been- well, he didn’t want to call it lurking, but there really wasn’t a better word for it.“Bet it wasn’t more interesting than mine.”<br/>“Oh? Did you end up with a gun aimed at your head?”<br/>“Like ten guys were shooting at me.”<br/>“But they weren’t aiming at your head.”</p>
<p>AKA</p>
<p>Juno and Peter get caught up in a hostage situation, and Batman comes to the rescue. I swear this fic is more serious than it sounds.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Holy Penumbra Batman! [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1840936</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All of the Two Dollar Bills at the Second National Bank</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesphantasmal/gifts">aesphantasmal</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey, this is a break in your regularly scheduled program to let you know that me and Aesphantasmal have started another au series together! He did the art for this, and you should go read all of his fics and follow him on tumblr and stuff because he is very cool and wonderful and i would take a bullet for him.</p>
<p>The title is taken from Holy Musical B@tman! because I'm a sucker for Starkid.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>All around, Gotham was a pretty terrible city. It was old, tired, and corrupt down to its marrow. But admittedly, on a nice day, on the right side of town, with the right company, it wasn’t a bad place to go out to lunch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Today, Juno Steel’s company was none other than Peter Ransom, the nouveau rich socialite who’d managed to leave no lasting impression on anyone he met. Well, no lasting impression on anyone but Juno. Ransom was already waiting at the table when Juno arrived, absently pocketing the fine silverware. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Careful,” Juno said. “I hear there’s a cat burglar out and about. You wouldn’t wanna get mistaken for him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Peter gave a soft smile and handed him his silverware. “I don’t think we have much to worry about on that end. The GCPD couldn’t catch a thief if he stole the coats off their backs.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who says I was talking about the GCPD?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I’m certain you couldn’t mean anyone else. I hear that the Bat tends to be blind when it comes to criminals like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What, you mean criminals that-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Waiter! Excellent, I must say, I am absolutely famished.” In the blink of an eye, Ransom’s demeanor had shifted, becoming vapid and a little too loud. Juno took the signal for what it was and dropped the conversation quickly as a waiter approached from his blindside. Normally, Juno found it irritating when people acknowledged his blind spot. All too often, it came with pitying looks or over dramatic acts of assistance that he quickly shook off. He didn’t like being reminded that he had a weakness that he couldn’t make up for. But Ransom had never made an ordeal of it. If there was someone approaching that Juno couldn’t see, Ransom would find a way to let him know. He would put conscious effort into making sound when he moved, so Juno would know where he was. It was a small gesture, but Juno was immensely grateful for it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The waiter took their orders and left them to talk. In the comfortable, spacious, upscale restaurant, it was easy to fall into conversation. Juno was rich in a way that was hard for most people to quantify, largely against his own will. He was the sole remaining heir to the Steel Corporation, and after being thrust into that role at a very young age, he’d done his best to turn it around into an ethical, environmental, moral company that didn’t kill children in sweatshops or make workers pee into water bottles. He hated being rich in a city where kids went to sleep hungry every night, not knowing if they would have anything to eat the next day. He hated showing that wealth off even more, but Ransom liked coming here to enjoy the finer things, and the staff were well paid enough that they didn’t pay any attention to the conversations of their patrons. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno was just in the middle of explaining how he had to bail Mick out once after he’d been misidentified as a supervillain, when the doors slammed open and screams filled the air. Juno and Peter were on their feet in an instant, watching as six thugs in masks wielding heavy artillery swept in with tactical precision.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Peter’s eyes swept the room, analyzing escape routes. “Juno-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You got your suit with you?” he said quietly, as the thugs started grabbing people and making them sit in the center of the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Peter looked at him incredulously, gesturing at his tight dress. “And where exactly would I be hiding it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, nevermind. Do you have weapons?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Two knives, a bracelet that doubles as garrote wire, a brooch pin covered in paralytic toxins, and I drove these heels through a man’s neck once.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lucky guy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I doubt he would agree. Now, we don’t have much time before those thugs work their way over here. What’s the plan?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve got my suit, but I’d need to get out of view to change into it, unless we want to explain to all these witnesses why Juno Steel knows how to throw a batarang.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Peter rolled his eyes. “You're certain I can’t convince you to change the name of those things?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll have to bring it up with Rita, not me. She’s the one who named them. Anyways, shut up. Do you have a way to get us out of here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Four.” One of the gunman stood on the bar and started scanning the room. “Scratch that. Three.” Two more gunman came in from the back, leading the kitchen staff at gunpoint. “Alright, two plans.” In the distance, sirens started blaring. Peter swore in Russian. “Alright. One. One plan. Now I suggest we act quickly before we lose that opportunity too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you need me to do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Slip into the kitchen. There should be one guard still inside by my estimation. If you can take him down without him figuring out who you are, then you can either disguise yourself as him or as the Bat and do whatever it takes to free the rest of us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Free the rest of you? What, are you going to be the distraction?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, of course. I have a very weak heart. Stress has always been dangerous to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re 26.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s congenital.” With that, he staggered forwards, clutching his chest, and ended up leaning on a table for support. The gunmen all aimed at him, but he weakly raised his hands. “Wait! Please- aah- it’s my heart. I don’t have my medication with me. Please, don’t shoot.” The gunman on the bar gestured for the gunman at the kitchen door to grab Ransom. He grabbed him under the arm, but halfway to the other hostages, Peter let out a scream and fell to the ground. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With the attention of everyone at the restaurant, Juno slipped into the back. He quickly ducked down behind a countertop before anyone could see him. He had a good dozen weapons in his belt, but thanks to Rita, most of those were bat-themed. He couldn’t use them without giving himself away. That left him with his fists and whatever he could grab.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He risked a peek around the corner. The gunman was leaning out the back door, listening intently to the sound of sirens in the distance. Though his face was covered, Juno got a good look at his uniform and sucked in a sharp breath. On his sleeve there was the emblem of a diamond, half black and half white. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno had known Diamond before they were a mob boss. In fact, he’d been engaged to them for a while. It wasn’t really something Juno liked to talk about, now. It was easier just to say that they’d lived up to the name Two Face, and let people draw their own conclusions. It didn’t matter. He was with Peter now. Sometimes. Out of the public eye. Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t really sure what they are. Boyfriends didn’t seem to cover everything between them, but they’d never been on a real date in broad daylight. That was probably a conversation they should have. Juno was suddenly very grateful for the armed mobsters trying to kill him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, he crept up behind the goon, before grabbing the man in a chokehold. The thug let out a strangled sound and rammed the barrel of his gun backwards into Juno’s gut, but Juno just grit his teeth and waited until the man went slack. When he was sure that the man was really unconscious, he let him drop to the floor. A quick examination of the body came up with a walkie-talkie, a few stun grenades, a handgun, and a picture of his family in his breast pocket. Juno rolled his eyes. It was a touching gesture and all, but being a gun for hire in Gotham City wasn’t exactly a family man’s career. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There weren’t any cameras in the kitchen, which made things easier for Juno as he stripped off his clothes. The media had speculated a lot of things about why Juno always covered up so much of himself. Some people assumed he was modest by nature. These were usually the people who knew the least about him. Some people assumed that it was to cover up the leftover marks of a childhood with Sarah Steel. Not that anyone knew whether he’d been physically abused or not. It was just difficult for them not to speculate after Benzaiten. In all fairness, Juno did have quite a few scars from Sarah, just not in the way that they were thinking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No one would have guessed that the reason for all of his layers of long coats and thick sweaters was to disguise the layers and layers of gray kevlar underneath, emblazoned with the emblem of a black bat. He pulled the cowl over his head and took a steady breath.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>……………………………………………………………………………………………………..</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Peter Nureyev, or rather Peter Ransom, was beginning to get restless. After being laid down in the midst of a group of hostages and given water, the confusion had died down. The thugs had taken everything they cared to from the cash register, and now they were shaking down the hostages for their valuables. It occurred to him that the police should have arrived by now, until he remembered that this was Gotham City, and the police had doubtlessly been paid to stay away from the scene until Two Face's operation had left. And it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> Two Face’s operation. That was clear from the cold, black and white emblem that the brutes wore like badges of honor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He straightened. He might be a criminal, but he wasn’t as tasteless as any of the other costumed lunatics running around this city. He understood why Juno felt the need to protect people from them, but part of him wished he could have just snuck Juno out the back so that they could go somewhere else and finish their date in peace. The people here today were unlikely to be killed by these brutes, and they were rich enough that the loss of their valuables wouldn’t even bruise their wallets. Really, there wasn’t a reason to interfere at all. With Peter’s guidance, they could just disappear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Juno could never leave, not when there were wrongdoings to be righted. And as annoyed as he was that they had been interrupted, Peter could never turn down a chance to see Juno play the avenging angel. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No sooner had Peter thought this than the skylight burst in an explosion of glass and sunlight as Juno fell like Lucifer, dark cape swirling around him like broken wings. He rolled as he hit the ground, shielding himself from the hail of bullets that followed, and ran straight for the goon on top of the bar. Seeing that bullets clearly weren’t slowing the Bat down, the goon launched a sharp kick at his head. Juno sidestepped easily and used the thug’s momentum to pull the goon down into a painful looking split. He dropped the gun just in time for Juno to deftly slip a pair of handcuffs on the guy and chain him to the railing of the bar while kicking the gun away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had all taken less than two seconds, and by the time the onlooker’s brains had caught up with their eyes, the Bat had already taken out another guard with a roundhouse kick. And, well, if that didn’t just show off how good Juno looked in the batsuit. To someone who had never seen Juno fight before, the brawl was a blur of motion. Peter however, could see the layers to the actions that others couldn’t. The bullets were still coming in a hail, so Juno stayed well away from the hostages in the center of the room, and avoided sweeping low so that the gunmen wouldn’t be forced to lower their fire at the crouching witnesses. Everything about Juno came into focus when he fought. Every batarang landed exactly where he wanted it too, and every punch was exactly as forceful as it needed to be. If Peter wasn’t intimately aware of the time Juno had spent learning to move like that, he might have believed that the laws of physics bent to his will.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A rough hand landed on Ransom’s shoulder and forced him to his feet. Inwardly he cursed himself from losing track of his surroundings. How was he supposed to pay mind to anything else when Juno seemed so intent on drawing all his attention? He felt the cold barrel of a gun press against his temple. It was shaking. Peter realized belatedly that this was the last goon left. Juno slowly stood from where he had secured a thug with a broken nose and turned to face them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a step closer,” warned the goon. “I will kill as many people as I need to to get out of here alive.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh please, whatever you do, don’t shoot!” Ransom wailed. “I have a condition. My heart-” He clutched at his chest and staggered slightly. The goon wasn’t having any of it, and wrapped an elbow around his throat, applying just enough pressure to show that he meant business.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno had gone perfectly still. Coupled with the blood now dripping down his mask, he hardly looked human. Only Peter could see the subtle tension wracking his frame. Something warm and soft bloomed in his chest. Before Juno, Peter had never had anyone to worry about whether or not he’d be okay. Well, not since he left his homeland as a child. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a pregnant pause in the air, as they waited for the Bat’s next move. If he moved quickly, he wouldn’t get to Peter before he was shot, but he’d certainly be able to save the other hostages. Then again, if he let this thief leave, the other hostages would doubtlessly escape with their lives. Which would he choose?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a flawed question, of course, because the premise assumed that the Bat was the only one at the negotiating table. The thug wordlessly collapsed. The Cat was at the table too, and he played by his own rules.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my.” Ransom blinked. “To think! All along, that fiend had a heart condition like mine… Of all the strange coincidences, why, just the thought of it makes my pulse race-” He swooned dramatically, landing in the crowd of hostages, who lowered him gently to the floor. He clutched at his chest and whimpered, subtly affixing the poisoned broach back in its proper spot. As he removed his hand, he saw Juno clench his jaw, and knew that he had noticed the gap of time it had disappeared from his dress and reappeared into the goon’s skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev shot him a pointed </span>
  <em>
    <span>leave now</span>
  </em>
  <span> glance, and with a swish of his cape, Juno was gone. Peter fought down a fond smile and turned his attention to the police sirens in the distance that were finally, finally growing louder. With a mental sigh, he prepared himself for the hours of police questions that were doubtlessly about to follow.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*******************************************************************************************</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was sunset by the time the Cat appeared, landing lightly on a familiar rooftop. </span>
  <span>“Well,” he said. “I don’t know about you, but I had a very interesting afternoon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Bat stepped out of the shadows where he’d been- well, he didn’t want to call it lurking, but there really wasn’t a better word for it.“Bet it wasn’t more interesting than mine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh? Did </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> end up with a gun aimed at your head?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like ten guys were shooting at me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But they weren’t aiming at your </span>
  <em>
    <span>head.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Bat gave a huff of laughter, and Nureyev looked like the cat that got the cream. From the very beginning, Peter had taken it as a personal challenge to get Juno to crack a smile under the cowl, and even now, he still treated every chuckle like a hard-earned trophy. Most people said that Juno was a challenge, usually because he was too rich and well known to say anything worse about. When Peter said that Juno was a challenge, it was almost a compliment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And where have you been?” The Cat asked, leaning against one of Gotham’s many, bizarre gargoyles. “Besides stopping robberies at fine dining locations?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, first I had to call Khan, obviously. Even if he can’t fire every single one of his officers who take bribes because, ya know, this is Gotham and life is a nightmare of corruption and misery, he can still chew them out for their lousy response times.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re sure you can’t visit them? Deliver vengeance upon their quaking mortal souls?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What would that do outside of making me feel better? I’ve tried threatening people into doing the right thing before. It doesn’t really work that well. It just makes them sneakier about breaking the law. I’d rather have a bunch of incompetent corrupt cops than competent corrupt cops.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now, if only we could have no cops.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno snorted. “If only.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They sat in silence for a moment. “You know what’s dumb?” Juno said. “All I can think about is how much it’s gonna suck that we can’t eat there until they fix the place up. I had Rita send an invoice so I could pay for damages, but it’s still gonna be months to cover up those bullet holes and fix the skylight. Like, I know that a lot of people almost died, including me and you, but damn if they didn’t have good coffee. ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I’m afraid I don’t have any coffee, but…” The Cat shifted and pulled out a mashed paper bag from a pocket at his hip, despite the fact that his outfit should have been skintight. It took a moment for Juno to recognize the smell wafting from the bag. Despite being held at gunpoint there a few hours earlier, he had somehow managed to save a bag of leftovers from the restaurant. Juno loved him so much it hurt. “Consider it my apology for worrying you earlier, as well as a do-over for our date.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno blinked. “Date?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are we dating?” Peter stared at him, face rapidly morphing through confusion, understanding, amusement, and shock, before finally landing on a sort of fascinated horror. Juno hoped that his cowl hid his embarrassed flush.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dear,” he said slowly, careful not to use his real name, even when they were alone. “You do know that we’re in a relationship, don’t you? I’m struggling to understand how you could misinterpret everything we’ve done in the past two years.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I know- I know how you feel about me, and I know that I… feel a lot too, but… I just...” Even with the mask and the growing darkness, the fond exasperation on Nureyev’s face was unmistakable. “I just didn’t know what that made us. I mean, Jesus, I’ve seen inside your head. You’ve robbed my house. You’ve saved my life more times than I can count. And… Juno Steel isn’t dating Peter Ransom. There’s no depth there. The Cat isn’t dating the Bat. There’s no stability there. I know we’re something, but we’re both more masks than people. What part of us do we decide is real?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Peter Nureyev, a man who existed only to Juno Steel opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. He let out a nervous laugh before finally finding his words. “Well, I admit, I hadn’t completely considered that. You have far more experience with relationships than I do, so I just assumed that dating was the next step. But… you make an alarming point. I don’t want only a small part of myself to be the part that loves you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So… what do we do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- Juno, It occurs to me now that I never even asked you in the first place. Do you want to date me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I mean, obviously, but-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I meant do you want to date </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Not any other version of me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course, but when you’re always somebody else, there isn’t time to just be us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then we’ll make time. Time when I’m just me, and you’re just you, outside of masks and public appearances and whatnot. Just us, trying to understand who we are when we’re not splitting ourselves into pieces.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll still be other people, of course. We’ll meet as the Cat and the Bat, I expect. By the strangest coincidence, I keep running across you on your patrols. Juno Steel and Peter Ransom will doubtlessly meet at parties and galas. You know how insular those things can be. And who knows? Perhaps over time, even more people with the same faces and different names will run into each other and find themselves becoming close.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno smiled softly and leaned in close. “Works for me,” He said, kissing Peter lightly, in a way entirely unlike the feared shadow of Gotham should. “As long as at the end of the day, they’ll still go home together as a thief without a name and a goddess of protectors.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Peter smiled at him, sharp teeth flashing in the darkness. “I’m sure they wouldn’t have it any other way.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, on a personal level, i'm really proud of writing this because I did this in one day after also spending like 5 hours at work, and normally it would take me way longer, so I'm proud that I'm improving my writing speed!</p>
<p>I'm still aiming to release my next update of my royalty au on time, but we'll see how the next week goes!</p>
<p>Aesphantasmal, idk if you would want me using your real name here but anyways i love you deeply and personally king.</p>
<p>Please don't be afraid to show your appreciation through comments, kudos or bookmarks! It really keeps the sarahtonin levels at operational levels and makes the typewriter monkeys in my brain work faster to produce more fic. So it's a win-win for everyone!</p>
<p>COMMENT!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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